Well, not really, but, you know, like most middle-aged people I've started worrying more and more about that sort of thing. I never thought much about my weight, or my hair, or my makeup until I turned 40. Suddenly the gray hair is a huge big deal, the age spots on my face are ugly, and the little bit of cottage cheese on my body is completely unacceptable. The really funny thing is, now I am wearing clothes that are completely inappropriate for my age. I'm not interested in wearing "mommy jeans" - you know, the ones that snap at your belly button to hold in the flab? No thank you, I like my hip-huggers. I used to wear t-shirts that were too big; now I want one that fits. Not too tightly, but tight enough to show off the little bit of boobs I do have. Why is it that suddenly I'm so worried about this stuff?
I've decided that those of us who "had it" as youngsters (but never knew it) become increasingly aware of how good we used to look - when we no longer look that way. In retrospect, I was once a really hot chick, although I had no idea. Now, not so much. Although, I admit I don't look too bad for an over-40-mother-of-two; I'm not really overweight and I still wear a size 8. The shape has changed a bit, and it's not as firm as it once was, but that's about it. Right now I weigh less than 15 pounds more than I did when I graduated high school in 1986.
Not that I ever had to work hard at it, and I guess that's the problem - now I do. And, that's my goal for this summer; to work hard and get into shape. I want that hot body again! Whether or not I can achieve hotness remains to be seen, but frankly, as long as I'm not looking at cheese in the mirror, I'm OK with that. So far I've been lucky enough to not eat myself into 300-pound oblivion, which is nice. But, if I can lose those 5-10 vanity pounds (yep, really, stop rolling your eyes) and make it look halfway decent, I'll be happy.
If you're really lucky, come spring, I'll post a photo of before and after. Or, maybe just "after" because you know, the before picture is a bit embarrassing for me (although many people would kick my ass for saying that it looks bad). I guess I'm sounding really, really stuck on myself about now.
At any rate, my goal for the summer is to wear a bikini again, or at least feel comfortable enough in one to do it on occasion. I don't frequent the beach anymore, but it would be nice to lay out in the back yard and not worry about whether or not the golfers can see me when I get up.
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