Lately Little E has wanted us to read to him every night when he goes to bed. Well, really, we usually read him a book at bed time, but lately he's wanted one with a twist: he wants us to read it silly. This started when David read him a Transformers book and changed the words so that it was hilarious, at least to Little E.
I've put Little E to be the last few nights, and so he asked me to read The Mouse Who Ate Bananas. It's a pretty cute book, but when he asked me to read it silly, it got even better. The first night I just changed a few things, and basically just made all the animals fart. For those of you without boys, just know that anything to do with gas is funny, no matter which end it comes out of. So, each animal had a different and appropriate toot (the elephant's was of course the best).
So last night he wants me to read the same book but "even funnier than last time". How am I supposed to do that? I'm a relatively creative person, but only in spurts. I had no idea how to beat the farting game. So I started out with "Mouse looked up at the stinky-ass monkeys and begged them for a banana." Howling laughter followed. I didn't even realise what I'd said, but I'd started, so now I had to finish.
It pretty much went along the same, with the animals threatening to "really mess Mouse up" if he didn't stop throwing the banana peels down. They called Mouse a dumb-ass and it was a "good thing Lion's teeth were all messed up because he would have eaten that little turd of a mouse!"
I make no secret that I cuss like a sailor. They are, after all, just words. I don't consider them to be "bad" words - they are "grown-up" words. Adults choose whether or not to use them (and stupid people are offended by them). I don't condone my children using the words, but let's face it, by the age of six all of us had heard them on the playground and would sneak off somewhere and say those words with vigour! So lighten up. I don't let them use foul language but I'd prefer they know the proper usage (and meaning) before some 10-year-old tells my Kindergartner that "shit" is really a word for "steak". However, I do believe there are "bad" words: hate, war, and "the n-word".
That aside, it was fun reading the book to him using words he wasn't allowed to say (and it didn't get any worse than what I wrote here, so don't call the authorities on me!). He laughed his little ass off, and I laughed my big fat ass off too (mostly at how tickled he was).
You should try it sometime, even without the grown-up words.
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